ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
