meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
