like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
