This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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