My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
