apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My pussy is not your playground.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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