Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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