Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
