I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
