three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
