rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
