So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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