She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
