I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
