Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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