New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
