She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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