A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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