All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
