she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
