I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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