can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
