hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There r osticjed everywhere
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
