Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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