For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
