dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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