He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
