at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
