Sponge bath it is.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
