I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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