We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
