Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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