it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My vagina is officially offended.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
