I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
