and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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