So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
did i walk over a car last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
