do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
