I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
