My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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