One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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