That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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