And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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