Im at strip club and am horny
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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