Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
