Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
