I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
false alarm, still single
Randomize
