separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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