Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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