Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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