so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
