I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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