smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
