I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
