I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
